Thursday, December 15, 2011

Yes my name Olga.

Well, I could write about my training (bike and run right now) and how I traded a run this morning for laying in bed with 2 little girls snoring on me or how instead of minutes I run, my workouts are measured in cookie guilt – i.e. I need to run 4 cookies and 1 egg nog (aka 45 mins). 
But I’d like to introduce my latest and dearest best friend from Russia – OLGA! 
I know, you’re thrilled to read about the latest Russian scammer who believes I’m a single male Dentist named Roy.  And with that… meet Olga (she writes a LOT, so I’m cutting some of her babbling).

Hello Roy! I am very glad to see your letter, I really thought, that you cannot write to me, but today when I have arrived from work, I saw these small news, the letter. Fairly very much even it is pleasant for me, to see your message.
School time has departed, we grew, and all has exchanged.
Strange it a life. I think, what you read my structure, I have really tried to create it as it probably is better, I hope, what it liked you?
But if you have not read it which do not fluctuate, set to me questions, and I will necessarily answer you......
I will be very glad to you to answer. You like to dance, or you can like to sing?
I will tell not so about me directly: My new friend that we continued the dialogue which I wish to tell to you very important thing, That I live in Russia, I hope, have not upset you this truth because I start to build any relations with trues, Actually it is the most important, that relations have been constructed on mutual trust and the truth.
I wish to find the person of my dream with whom I will feel the existing woman whom on desire to be unique with which I will really, it is happy, And I know, that I can give it also most of all. I already had earlier dialogue with the person through the Internet, but in what good It has been finished by me, have received a pain and disappointment in this person, and now I cannot find, I search for what person, therefore I continue the search.
The life is interesting also who does not know, as our destiny will turn, many speak it directly, we build destiny, But from a part it is not correct, because we do not know, when we meet the person as our relations will develop further, Which that person I can be valid, you search, and I, that the person which are necessary for you and us, prevent nothing to try to study each other, Suddenly it is our destiny which we will start to build together))), I would be very glad, if you have sent me the photos.
If you have any images you, please send them to me. I really wish to see you. I would like to see images on your work on your house with Your friends, everywhere. Thanks for dedication me your free time.
Yes my name Olga.
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So there you go.  Olga.  Not the best one we’ve seen but clearly the worst written I’ve had to date.  So I sent her the photo of Roy the dentist and this note:
Wow, you are quite pretty, sort of (a tick jowley). Your email is confusing but I get the gist of your crazy train, I shall sit in coach. YOU LIVE IN RUSSIA? Wow, that's far. Where in Russia? What is your job? I am a dentist and unlike Hermie, being a dentist is not really a job for a misfit.  I live in a state called California. Perhaps you know this? You should unless you've been slinging a pick-axe for the past 35 years or yolking oxen. How old are you? I can tell you must be under 30 based on your under-bite. You are lovely. Please send more pictures and possibly more insanity. Lastly, have your eyebrows moved lately?  I am the 99% and enjoy egg nog.
Yours,
Dr. Roy
PS: do you have any student debt?
Good morning.
Probably it not morning in general in your city, but give, it takes the resume. Morning - my favourite time of day - because the beginning From the new day, the new moments of a life and new miracles to stand. I trust miracles, and I know, that they exist. Our life - surprise, and a way with which we have found all Other surprise, and sunrise - surprise also! So, allow our increase in the sun ;-) We do not know each other however, but I believe, that all people have something good in them, and are not it big when people try to see these good parties In each other, also accept others in the friendly way? So, ;-) if you trust the same then, I think, that we become friends very soon, Also open new page in our lives. What most important thing in your life?
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I am very cheerful person, and I have a common sense of humour, it also is very important in a life, the humour helps me to consult to many difficulties In a life. You know, I am assured, that if the person has a purpose and it has a belief in which, he will achieve always by all means success and for this reason me Try to be the resolute person instead of to surrender even if something does not go a way which I want. It was pleasant to receive for me the letter from you.
What do you search on the Internet?
What did you think of me when has received my letter?
Thus I am possible, I can to try to tell something more about me, and I believe, that you will read it:) What I - search in the person? - I wish to find the person, which compensation with me will be, who will not do me bad and sick, who will be valid to respect and To love me who will answer me with mutual feelings and who is not going to use me, or even to try to use. I will not forgive it. I am very brave, Both resolute. And sometimes the woman is much more dangerous then men. But I think, that you not such person, also that us has been reduced by advantage Circumstances :) I am interested in the person who is fair, lifted, reliable, care, and has common sense of humour. I search for the optimistic and joyful person.
I would like, that it was the care and the devoted friend fascinated and love to the husband. And very much I wish to study, About people who are in far from me for thousand miles, behind huge oceans, about traditions, about their culture, about you...., it will be very much Pleasant for me to exchange with you about a life, about work. I
5,6 that, and 122 pounds, about which my birthday April, 16 1983. I live in city Arsk, in the Russian Federation.
My religion: the Christian. I - the charming, moderate, cautious woman. I am a good listener, and I reach the purposes which I have formulated. I - very sociable, thoughtful, Kind, and the optimistic person. I am joyful, charming and intellectual, cautious and gentle. And to what your work is connected?
I am really very glad, which you have written me, and I hope to you too very much, it will be pleasant to receive my letter.
Dear Roy big to you thanks for your pictures, they very much were pleasant to me.
I work in a kindergarten as the tutor, and very much to be pleasant to me my work as I work with children, and children I very strongly love.
I am right? But if I find the person who will be my second half in my life I will make everything, that it can to become happy, I will give this all which finishes The requirement from the woman, we will create a strong family! I will be the best friend for this purpose, and I will help to make all which it should make.
The person and the woman not simple people who loves all others, they are partners, and the best friends in a life. If I find the person who will live even in The cold North, I will live with it there even if it will be very bad. I search for the person, which can to see second half in me who will be convinced it I - its woman who will be convinced, that we can to become happy. I am glad, that we continue the correspondence, and I hope, that we will be and to Develop our relations further. I want the friend, you ask Roy, and I hope, that my question as will not offend you. I ask it because I wish to know It and I want, that we were fair with each other. Whether I am valid, is unique, whether to whom you correspond really?
I hope, that my question as has not offended you. As I am valid also just as not, I wish to offend you.
I wait for your letter. Your remote girlfriend Olga.
Then I didn’t write for like a day and she sends this:
Hello! What with you happens? Why you have ceased to write to me? I than that have offended you? I can to you is not nice any more and you do not wish to communicate with me? If it is all so that you to me tell please. I wait from you for your letters with answers. Olga.
Then I sent this:
Dear Olga,
I am sorry, I have been away at a dental convention in Delaware. The joys of over-bite correction! How are you? Your photos are stunning. I find myself hoping to see more photos of you on my daily commute as I listen to Michael Bubble's new Christmas album. Do you have Christmas? Tis the season!  Weird that you are 5’6” and 122 lbs, I appreciate the conversion to our measurement system!  You have offended me a bit though I do find you valid and cautious – which of course you mentioned over 21 times.  What do you think of irony?  Not the stuff from elephant tusks.  If you could, please reflect on your words you have written to me with much love and insanity:
I hope, that my question as has not offended you. As I am valid also just as not, I wish to offend you.
So true Olga. 
Regards and please floss
Dr Roy

1 comment:

Rainmaker said...

Points for finishing with the request to floss...