Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Promise

See, I said I’d write something. 

Then I was given a link to a blog post that said that humor was useful in blogging and even gave some ideas about how to be funny.  They were mostly crappy ideas and didn’t even mention using Russian women scams, poop stories or anything even remotely related to egg nog or zone 4 training.  They did say, don’t make ethnic or political jokes. 

So no jokes about Asian Drivers (they’re terrible, generally but good at math, gymnastics and swimming, but as I’ve observed circle swimming, not so good).  My friend who is Chinese says that Chinese men are generally just pretty awful, so me limiting it to driving is just incorrect and somewhat offensive.  Old people are actually the ones who nail just about anyone not in a car where we live, so there.  I’m also an awesome driver, except I rarely drive more than 4 miles to get the kids from school. So everyone is generally a bad driver from my perspective.

And we don’t joke about politics because that’s serious business, and I’m a Republican and don’t understand half of the candidates and I’m not a fan of everyone having the same vote.  I think if you want to vote you should produce a single page P&L for your household. 

It should be true and not made up like your taxes and loan applications are.

Then you’ll for SURE have some sense that it’s often a best-practice to have more income than debt/expenses.  Michelle Bachman is also crazy but better looking than the rest, except for Mitt Romney who I DO like because I figure a guy who can raise 73 kids and make more money than I will ever see must have a few ideas about how to cobble together a respectable P&L.  I was also at his house and if there’s someone who can figure out how to keep a place like that paid for and tidy with 113 kids, they’re worthy (I’m counting grandkids or rather estimating the people I saw there).

He also has truly amazing hair. 

Though I do think the occupy wall street protests are ridiculous, but only in Seattle where they (the unemployed by choice) will protest anything except poor Asian driving and crappy highway merge skills and old people who are constantly nailing people in Mercer Island crosswalks.

Sorry for that.  I promise I will work on my non-offensive skills. 

So here we go:

The girls got new books.  About being girls. 

Which includes amazing tidbits on how boys and girls are different from boys.  If you’re kids are learning to read, they read out loud.  They don’t know lots of words and it’s uncomfortable. 

So now, I have 2 kids who know about the 5 stages of breast development and that I apparently have a penis and how to wash your public area. 

Yes, public. 

juggalo-12[1]I didn’t correct her, I only said that it better never be a public area.  At least Greta understood it.

I also learned about training bras, sports bras and padded bras.  It did not explain how to braid hair which is where I’m really struggling and I sent Piper to swimming looking like a juggalette.  See picture… (these are people who are inspired by clowns, a lot of poorly executed braids and likely part of the 99%).

So if you’ve got questions, I’m full of this new knowledge and am available to speak at your next dinner, birthday or retirement party. 

I could also do an abbreviated luncheon talk. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

See…. new post

Really it’s just a teaser.  I’ll write a post when the girls are at swim practice.  In the meantime, we’ve figured Piper has Tourette's or a 6 year old version of it which includes pirate worthy burping, cowboy sized farts and her latest outburst from the back seat as we sat in traffic ‘STUPID CAR GET OUT OF THE WAY’.  I’m glad to see some east coast genes in her but not necessarily those. 

More later.

Pumpkin Pride.