Monday, July 11, 2011

It Stinks a Little

I noticed I haven’t written a post in like 2 months.  I should have waited 2 more days but I have at least 11 things to say.  I sort of have to write this because I’ll go to meetings at work with people I see all the time and they say, “I found your blog’ and then people who don’t feel left out and then they read it.  Sometimes during that meeting and it is awkward.  My PT read it because another PT there read it who treated my wife.  My doctor read it and didn’t like it but at least he read it. My family reads it.  And I’m sure all 11 Facebook friends read it.  In short, I have to write something so I don’t have to explain why I didn’t write anything.  Here’s a list of stuff that kept me from writing and sadly I’m tired of those Russian women but I’ll provide you with one last bikini photo of Natalya who basically made me so tired that I stopped responding. 

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See, she’s lovely but a big chatter box.  You’re fired.

I did this:

  • I watched every televised second of the Giro.  It’s a bike race in Italy.  It wasn’t in Hi Def, but I still watched it.  I mean, I used to watch UHF channels that were wicked staticky.  That took 2-3 hrs a day in May. 
  • Then we moved.  That took like a week.  We didn’t move until the Giro was over though. 
  • I also wrecked my calf running a lot and decided that drinking beer was better than running
  • Discovered margaritas.
  • Found that it’s hard to get up the next day to watch the Tour of Switzerland and Tour of California if you’ve had too many margaritas. 
  • Ran out of tequila and moved over to mojitos but didn’t fix the whole ‘it’s hard to get up’ problem.
  • Had a birthday party for my daughters which included a dozen little girls, a dozen baby bunnies, 2 ponies and found that when you say 2-4pm on an invite doesn’t really mean people leave at 4.  No bunnies were killed.  See picture: pony party.


  • Got a lot of emails from parents telling me their daughter wants a bunny and/or pony and thank you very much.
  • I taught my girls how to play lacrosse without breaking anything.
  • I ran out of stuff to drink mostly and moved back to water.  I found that elastic waisted shorts and spandex do have their limits.  Got back on the bike and ran further than the fridge.
  • The Tour de France started, no time for exercise now.  Have to drink French wine while watching the coverage.  I try and do 45 sit ups each day in order to experience pain on the same level as the riders.  I bet 60 sit ups is like Hors Catagorie. 
  • I took the kids hiking.  Because my kids are ridiculous, I laughed the whole time and wrote down their gibberish:
    • A man died right here on this bench (when seeing a bench with a dedication to a guy who died on Everest but they didn’t read past the part on the bench that said ‘he died’).  They wouldn’t sit on it either because they might die.  They freaked out when I sat on it.  I explained the sign.
    • A saw a rattlesnake once.  It was a stuffed animal. - Piper
    • Cavemen are dead now. - Piper (she carried this caveman like tool rock thingy for 5 miles and tried to get me to hold it every 32 feet).
    • If you scream 'bear' at the top of your lungs and run, you can totally make a 6 year old haul ass.  For about a mile.  Then you have to say, "I didn't really see a bear but I did see you run fast and that was better than seeing a bear".
    • I will carry this rock in case a bear or black widow tries to kill us.  I could also cut salmon with it.  (Piper and then Sada)
    • I know the way, make sure to follow me (neither of these kids had any idea where they were going) - Piper
    • More stairs? This is killing me.  - Piper
    • They spotted and called out every possible rock and tree that could slip and kill us or trigger an avalanche which could also kill us.  We should have died a trillion times. - (mostly) Sada.
    • Will we die? (upon seeing the edge of the cliff we were on, the answer is “yes, but don’t because mom would get mad”) - Sada
    • Can we stop for a snack (said about a million times, approx. every 3 meters)? - Piper
    • I found another y.  (they pointed out every y made out of sticks they saw, roots included, there are about a billion of these). - Piper
    • Piper: it smells like a fart here.  Me: no it doesn’t.  Piper: well if I farted it would.
    • They also had a 10 min conversation in Chinese.  They don’t know Chinese but that didn’t stop them.
    • There was a song about kissing someone and then that song included someone taking their shirt off after kissing.  I ended the song.  Immediately.
    • They also wanted to know what it would be like to hike naked except for shoes.  I suggested waiting for doing this after college when I’m dead.
  • I went to Paris. For work. In July. With my wife. Seriously. For Work. 
    • There are lots of Americans in Paris.  You’d never spot them – well, maybe you could.  See below – can you find the couple from the US?  Yes, I know it’s mean.
    • I did rent a golf cart to drive around Versailles.  Not inside but outside.  Turns out you can buy wine and beer on the grounds and there were cup holders in the cart.  It also turns out you can do donuts in a golf cart, you can flip a golf cart while trying to do donuts on a sandy road going downhill even in France.  Thank goodness Greta screamed when we got that baby up on 2 wheels with 4 people aboard.  I would have let it flip.  I bet they would have given me another free hour if I got hurt.




So that’s it.  I’ll write something again.


Pool Guy said...

This was great.

Pool Guy said...

I really enjoyed this. I hope you can get healthy again and start swimming more often.

Courtenay said...

that's a bikini?

Loren Pokorny said...

I like how you're the only one to notice it ISN'T a bikini.