Thursday, April 28, 2011

I Saw A Cupcake

I expect you to prefer stories like that (how I thought it was a frosting covered taste-treat but it was just a flower pedal) vs my Russian lady email scams – but I’ve got a new lady scammer who loves me, so that is what you get. 

I AM running 30+ miles a week and in about 5 weeks now I’m finally going from <10 miles a week @ 10+ min pace to 30+ miles a week at <8:30 pace.  Still slow but it’s getting to be more enjoyable each week and I’ll be excited to finally get my long runs around the half marathon mark (13.1 miles if you have been short bussing it).  I swear I’ll write about triathlon or cupcakes or anything but Russian email scams but according to my Google Analytics, you the reader generally enjoy this crap the most.

Here’s my new friend who has a lovely introduction mail – I’m sure if you check your junk folder you will find one of these from time to time.

Hello!!!!! I have sent you a photo that you have recollected me. We have got acquainted with you on One of ashleymadison.com . You have given me the e-mail. I wrote to you, but you have not answered. At me The computer and consequently I has broken so long did not write to you.

If you yet have not found the Love I would be glad to continue dialogue with you. I will wait for your answer....

Natalya from Russia.

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Then I wrote back:

Hi Natalya,

Thank you for your note - I am sorry that I don't remember our previous email, but that does not matter. I am sorry about your computer? Was it a Macintosh? Those machines are real pieces of crap. You are beautiful and your bear is very lucky to have you! Where do you live in Russia? I am currently living in New York City, near Central Park. Perhaps you know of this? I am 35 and work at a small medical clinic as a nurse even though I am a man, I work as a nurse. What work do you do? Do you have hobbies? I enjoy many common hobbies as you likely do: reading, music, eating and drinking alcohol. I am single but have been dating a little, no one as pretty as you though. I look forward to your response. Happy Easter!

Regards,

Jonah

PS - are you excited about the Royal Wedding?

Then she writes back:

Hello, my new friend! I am very happy, that you have answered my letter. At first I wish to apologise for my not a prompt reply. I have no computer in my the house. Yes, it - really pity... I cannot answer you during the same moment as you. Thanks, that you have found time, writes me the letter.

I think, that you have much Questions to me. I will try, describe me.  I do not know that speaks to you in the beginning... Well, let's begin!To me 28. My birthday - on September, 15th. My height - 5 foots 7 inches. My weight - 51 kg. As you see in my photo, I have grey eyes.  I have the serious intention to find the man who is worthy me and I do not wish to make a wrong choice... I tried to write to you, and now I see that I too am interesting to you. We can begin our dialogue. I wish to be fair with you. Be fair with me also. I live in Russia, in the city of Nizhni Novgorod. You heard about it? It - very much ancient city. Nizhni Novgorod is located in 400 kilometers from Moscow. Nizhni Novgorod the big and well-known city in Russia, also is located on the river Volga. We - two the person which wish to meet someone ONLY For serious relations. I am right? We can try to know better each other, if you do not want, it is your choice... It is a little about me. I have higher education. I have begun my formation in high school, in Nizhni Novgorod.

After I have finished it, I have entered the university on economic faculty. I have finished it 5 years ago. Now I work manager of sales in one of the largest networks shops of electronic technics in Russia. Within the working day I can use the computer and to write letters. I really would like to know your interests, a hobby, where you live and how spend a free time? Tell to me more about you. I also will tell to you it is more about me in the following letter. I send you a photo. I hope my letter will not break you. I will wait for your letter and your photo with impatience. Also I want that you did not pass my questions and answered them. It is important for me. 

here can be your new friend Natalya!

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And then I write but don’t’ mention that the 2 girls look mostly different, but that’s just technical talk:

Dear Natalie my little fruit of Perestroika,

Many thanks for the response, I thought you would have not appreciated my mail as it is so hard to meet women sometimes who are honest and happy. 

My birthday is September 14th – this is very odd that we both have birthdays!  I will look up your neighborhood and see what I can find out.  Is it cold?  I am always excited and ready for relations.  I grew up in California of which I am sure you know.  From there I went to Ridgemont High school, fast times there but then I moved east to New York City.  It is a very romantic city and a lot to do but much more fun with someone else. 

What sort of electronics do you work on?  You are younger than me but I am a very young and handsome 35 years to me.  Some say my legs are my best features because of my running and cycling hobbies.  Attached is a photo of them for you to enjoy.  Do you sport?  I usually run 100km a week which is a lot for an Americans, many of them are fat, lazy and cannot move.  You look very strong, probably some plow experience ?  I do appreciate your photo, you are very pretty.  I think you look pretty jazzy.  I enjoy travelling to warm places, pina coloads and being caught in the rain.  What do you enjoy other than relations? 

I hope to hear from you soon my new friend,

Regards and unbroken,

Jonah.

cal

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