Monday, January 3, 2011

I SWEAR

I promise I’ll write a post.  See, Piper is waiting impatiently like you are.

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I keep telling people I will but until I do, I’ll tempt you with the following recent scenarios and tidbits that I may cover:

  • I weigh less than I did before but not less than I did in 2009 when I was faster. 
  • Most of Rhae’s success on the bike is due to me, or at least she wasn’t bored on her recovery rides which are just about as important as anything else. 
  • My Under Armour sponsorship ended, so now I just have about 22,209 pieces of clothing to wear out.  Just to spite them, I have K-Swiss racing flats for 2011
  • I had to tell the 2 Barbies fighting with plastic knives in my living room to stop it, I was told that “they’re not Barbies, they’re Indians”.  I think that’s racist or they’ve been watching more Disney movies, which isn’t racist, it’s Disney.  They also kill off the mom’s in just about every movie, but somehow that is ok. 
  • I found Piper with her head submerged in the tub wearing swim goggles so she could look at her sister’s rear end in the water.  I voided my duties as a parent on that one and walked out of the room. 
  • In 2010, 5 people in Greta’s family died. 
  • I think I know as many people getting married as getting divorced or on their way. 
  • I lowered my bike seat by 3mm today.  I’ve also dismounted my bike to cross ice patches more in the past week than in my entire life. 
  • I got a Garmin 410.  Greta surprisingly got one for Christmas, I figured I needed to show her how it worked and since guys don’t use instructions, I had to have my own to mess up and figure out.  I have decided that although directions are still out – instructional videos are still in. 
  • My daughters and I tried to tell a guy that his giant thing of laundry detergent was on his car as he drove off.  Since he didn’t stop or ask why I was honking at him, we followed him until it shot off the car.  Sadly, it went into a ditch, with no explosion or mess.  I’ll probably get it tomorrow on the way to the pool at 5:30am when no one will see me climbing around in a ditch for $14 worth of detergent. 
  • I have broken up with my scammer in Africa.  She was really needy and wanted my bank account number.  Honestly, does that scam EVER work?  Sadly, I have the most readers when I mess with these people. 
  • I drew the line that below 15 degrees is too cold to ski.  Sadly, when I got my Land Rover last serviced they reset the temp to Celsius so I have to look at my phone to see what the weather is where I’m at so I can sort of abide by my new rule or know what the real temperature is outside.  0 C sounds cold, but it’s really 32 F, I bet no one knew that. 
  • It is so cold that in the garage on a trainer I have to wear gloves.  My iPod dies in <45 mins and I take that as a sign to stop sometimes.  Other times I bring 2 iPods and long fingered gloves. 
  • Greta had Absinthe and declared that we were going to re-marry in an Indian ceremony.  I hope they do not fight with knives during that time.  I would not recommend that beverage to many people.  The Barbies are not invited. 
  • I rode with Ben who had a beard and red tights – so I figured that was fast so I grew a beard.  But no red tights. 
  • Then I rode with Rusty and he coughed the whole ride and said he was getting better.  He may have slept at some points during the ride except for the ice we had to dodge every 15 mins or so. 
  • I also talked to Courtenay but she just said I had to swim 20k yards a week to get better, so for 2011 I’ll live with being not good in the pool. 

That’s it. 

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