So I’m sort of training or exercising – which I think I’ve said probably 92,931 times in this blog. I haven’t swam a meter nor run a foot though in about 6 weeks, I’m just riding my bike because that’s what I like the most. Lately I’ve been riding with Rhae who finished 4th in Kona almost 2 weeks ago - I think with the women’s AG bike course record beating plenty of fellas along the way.
We did an easy 3.5 hours last Saturday without a lot of mess – a group ride usually means some sort of issue for someone, so I like to participate in a max of 2 people in my ‘group rides’.
Longer rides with water and a handful of calories usually end in a bonk or at the very least some 12 year old girl giggling even when there are no 12 year old girls around. This was no exception as I thought the dirt parking lot cut-through would be a nice little diversion from the paved bike path we were on. This was true until the middle of the parking lot was more loamy than dirt and my bike sunk 4 inches into the ground as I came to a flying halt.
Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, I’m pretty prolific in making a complete boob out of myself to ensure a good time for all.
It was about now when one of the ‘we’re-all wearing-the-same-bike-kit-and-that’s-about-as-good-as-we-are’ local teams came breezing by, passing Rhae as she’s just laughing and I’m now really stuck and the whole team gave me a look of disgust while my $600 carbon soled limited edition Italian cycling shoes are now submerged in the really deep and loamy dirt.
The looks they gave were priceless, I could have only one-upped them by throwing on a yellow Teletubbie costume which I threaten to do because I do have one. Except our new cat Steve-Prefontaine-Honey-Jake pooped on it in the back corner of my closet.
So Rhae nearly crashed laughing for what seemed to be 3 miles and it’s all a great big joke. Which is sort of funny. Except I was the joke.
Sada and Piper found a makeup kit they got from someone who loves them and not me. Piper is probably the least capable person in the world at applying makeup right now. She had green, purple and blue eye shadow on her forehead, a good look if you’re a hooker with a heart of gold and a nasty little PCP habit but she’s 5 and not quite there yet. She did get her lips nice and red or pink and sparkles on 90% of her face. She then accented this look with a giant tan beach hat and an elegant cougar skin colored handbag. And flip flops.
She couldn’t open the purse so I had to help her. This purse had 1) a bottle of Jhirmack hair spray 2) 2 tennis balls, 1 pink, 1 green 3) a 4x6” multicolored pad of paper 4) a spider ring (a ring with a spider on it) and 5) some ‘good job’ stickers.
Now I’m sure this seems normal to you, especially in Seattle where the majority of women both married and single look, dress and accessorize in the exact same way (replace flip flops with Crocs).
In the other hand she carries this paperback of James Baldwin’s The Evidence of Things Not Seen. There are no pictures in this, it’s just a paperback book. As I watched some football, she sat in her engraved ‘Piper’ rocking chair, beach hat on, purse at her side, feet up on the edge of the couch and James Baldwin in her lap. For like 20 mins. Which for me is a long time, especially when there are no pictures and the world ‘bike’ isn’t on the cover.
Because it was Saturday, we had to celebrate this by going out to dinner at a new bistro down the street.
Saturdays are something to celebrate you know and not with just a pizookie.
So we TRIED to wash Piper’s face but kid makeup requires gasoline or something along those lines to remove it. So we went to dinner, me, Greta, Sada with a splash of eye shadow and Piper, dressed as a blind hooker – complete with purse and James Baldwin paperback. Throughout dinner, she insisted on turning sideways, crossing her legs and reading her book. I can’t really tell if she knows how to read or not. She indicated that he looks like a funny man and it’s sort of true, the author’s photo on the back isn’t the best shot of him. I’ll have to ask her what it’s about. I can’t imagine she chose the book for it’s cover.
So that’s it.
Then I went to the pumpkin patch and NOT getting a wheelbarrow and carrying 2 pumpkins for 11 miles through the field was one of the dumber things I’ve done recently.
And yeah, this might be some of the best videos I’ve seen in a long time. I don’t even know where to start….