Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Recent Conversation With Some Women


It started like this…

Me: hey you guys can’t watch shows with kissing (I think everything on the kids channels these days has kissing unless it’s 7am and it’s a cartoon)

Sada: I like kissing

Me: well you can’t, not until you have a job (or insert anything that seems to be WAY in le future, so I changed it to a DVD with bike racing and of course for kids)

Sada: you kiss mommy

Piper: yeah (always a peanut gallery in my world)

Me: well I don’t like it

Piper: YOU KISS MOMMY ALL THE TIME (not true, never while riding, running, swimming or while reading)

Sada: a Chinese girl puked twice at school today (a change of subject means I’ve matched wits and they’re not interested in pursuing that one, I WIN)

Me: gross, why?

Piper: (interrupting) does that boy have a pee nee? pointing to the cartoon character riding a bike in Triplets of Bellevue (which is an awesome movie for kids)

Me: (thanking Greta for watching the movie Babies with the girls this past weekend while I was out not winning, where the girls get to see in great detail a boy and his penis which of course becomes the single most important thing in the world to talk about), yes, most boys have one.

As an aside, it gets called a pee nee or a pee-nis (two words) or a ‘front bottom but on a boy’, depending upon how silly the girls are.  If they want to make me squirm, it’s a very loud ‘PEE-NIS’. Otherwise, they just say these things at a regular level.

Sada: you have a penis

Me: yes, I have a penis (but it’s jealous of my calves)

Sada: it’s in the front

Me: thank you Sada

Sada: Piper pulled it once, I REMEMBER THAT! 

Me: and that’s why neither of you have been allowed in the shower (Piper FYI was like 1.5 years old and we’re now all mentally scarred from the whole incident)

Piper: Jack (our small dog) has a PENIS

Me: where’s mom?  Is she home?  I think I hear the garage. 

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