Thursday, May 27, 2010

Smimming

IMG_2020 I call it that, ‘sMImming’ for some reason. Makes me feel better about not actually swimming. 

So I’ve been swimming for about 3 weeks and have not considered myself out of the running for the 2012 games but I’ll decide that after about 12 weeks. 

Since I’m only racing sprint races, I don’t think I have to swim a ton – just good warm ups, lots of fast stuff, a cool down and 2,000-2,500 yards 2x a week.  I also sip Cytomax in between the larger sets and was accused by the lifeguard of having beer in it.  Because of course, you swim and drink beer like chips and dip – they just go together.  I told him it wasn’t beer.  It was cytomax. 

High School kids – try that. 

“No officer, it’s Cytomax” 

Just be sure to use a water bottle and have swim goggles on (call them beer goggles when he’s gone). 

This is what you get when the lifeguard is old enough to probably drive but doesn’t yet need to shave regularly.  I think he was 85% serious.  Because who jokes around at 5:30am.  Who also drinks beer then? 

I swim in the slow lane. 

Unless of course the slow lane has the ‘Special Needs’ (I’m told this is nicer than saying retarded) swimmer – then I move over.  I’m not yet ready to swim alongside her just yet.  She swims pretty fast but stops to look up after every 50 and takes about a 1 min break and also takes up the whole lane.

So into the medium speed lane I went and for a while, shared a line with a nice fellow until this lane creeper lady jumped into the pool.  She just showed up in between my 10x100 and my 2x400 set.  So much for taking extra rest – I swear she snuck in under 15 seconds when I’m gasping for air and rubbing the fog out of my goggles and pulling my suit up and drinking my beer/cytomax mix.

She decided to shimmy her way the entire length of the pool with the speed of a US Government Bureaucrat bucking for a mandatory every-2-year pay grade promotion. After about 2 mins, she got close and after I asked if ‘she was going to do that the rest of the time’ – she said no (she was probably well north of 65 years old, so I should be nicer, but it’s not as funny if I’m all sensitive and kind) and that ‘we should circle swim’.  So me and the other guy say ‘sure’ and we start off.  Except nana decides to do this side-swim sort of thing and holds onto the lane line the whole time.  So we swim around her for a bit and then other guy leaves because I think 90% of people at this pool swim 30 mins max and at least 50% do it with fins the WHOLE TIME.  So it’s just me and sideways nana for another 400 yards and then I’m out. 

Then about 30 senior citizen nanas all show up (really, it was 6, but they’re good-sized so it feels like 30).  They swim sort of.  At one point I saw 2 of them doing what I thought was swimming in place – the one lady just rotated about 90 degrees each side but never seemed to make forward progress.  It was like watching an ear of nana-corn just bob and cook in the 85 degree water.  On my way out I passed air-tank-nana who takes nearly 30 mins just to get into the pool (I only take 10 mins!).  She has to get her air tank to the side of the pool, then get into the pool, then hold on to the side to get closer to hear air tank.  No, she’s not a diver – she’s just hooked up to an oxygen tank.  Why not get some exercise when you’ve got only minutes left to live after a life of smoking? 

I also totally swim faster than all of these nanas.  Which is way better than I did in California.  I got smoked by the AARP crowd regularly.  Then they played tennis or did other retirement related stuff. 

Today, Piper told me she could swim.  I reminded her that she really couldn’t and she said, ‘well, when I’m older I can swim but now I swim with a noodle’.  I thought that was pretty awesome that she just says what she will do but thinks that she can do it now.  She also saluted me and said ‘yes sir’.  Which made me decide we need to have another kid because you pretty much don’t get any better than that.  I need to start asking her if she can run sub 4:30 miles.  I’d like to lock on her U of Oregon scholarship soon.

AND WHAT DOES THIS PICTURE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Well, when you have a picture of you rat-dog attacking a helpless baby while your kid laughs, you post it.  Get him Jack!  After the picture was taken, Piper just stood up and let the baby hit the ground and she walked away. There’s no making Piper do anything she isn’t really passionate about.  Including not injuring family.

WARNING: One child was probably injured in the making of this photograph.

See the close up:

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