Monday, February 1, 2010

And There Was This Guy

Who was new at a company I worked for – a sales guy.  If you know sales guys, they’re sort of the same.  They smile and laugh a lot and say nice things and then push you off a cliff if they see a dollar under your shoe.  I’m not in sales you know.

So we’re at this dinner because my job at one point got moved under sales because I told the CEO my boss had no idea what he was doing.  He didn’t and now I had a new boss and a free dinner.  It was the beginning of a new quarter and the CEO wanted to give us some new goals and said that if the sales team of which I was a part of now met or exceeded their goals we’d get an extra $1,000 or something like that.  Maybe it was $3,000.  It could have been $20,000 but anytime I saw my bonus tied to that sales team, I knew I wasn’t getting anything so I stopped listening and looked at the menu for something that would compliment my run in the morning. 

So as the conversation goes around the table, it sort of got to this new guy whose boss, the head of sales, I’m sitting next to.  I actually like this woman a lot, despite the fact that she’s in sales and even with her best effort she isn’t going to meet her sales goal because it’s based on someone’s gut feel and not data so it’s going to be mostly off by 1000%.  At some point during the dinner, she’s accused of being Mormon because she doesn’t drink to excess nor does she swear.  She also doesn’t have a tan and for someone in the summer in CA to not have a tan, you must either be Mormon or you work a lot. I didn’t get the pale comparison to being Mormon but I’ll just assume the owner of that comment is simply retarded.

He went on to tell some story about how only a few weeks ago in a softball game he gets pegged in the face with the ball. 

So he whips out his Blackberry that has pictures of him in the hospital with a black and blue face.  Mind you this is his 2nd day or so.

He passes the phone around to show the photo. 

Then the phone comes to the head of sales, his boss, the Mormon lady next to me.  She takes the phone and we both look at it.  She scrolls to the next photo which we expect to be of his eye except it isn’t.  It’s of his penis. 

And that was before the appetizer arrived. 

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