Wednesday, October 14, 2009

With Huge Pleasure Have Received Your Letter With Data

b_img23 (3) I'm a business analyst.  Often times I say data is sexy.  I don't know what this means, but it's a way of making numbers seem more interesting if you say it's sexy.  I didn't even give my dearest one any data, but somehow in her messed up Russian translated head, she thinks I gave her data.  She asked me where I lived and I told her well, don't visit me here - visit me somewhere in the US where it is nice, like maybe California (present weather patterns excluded).  She calls this data.  My standards are at a new low today.  I now know why Russian men have taken a hand to her and why they drink.  She doesn't listen, but I forgive her if she keeps sending me bikini pictures. 

(Note: ladies, if you've messed up, send your man bikini pictures or send them to me and I'll tell your man that you're ok)

So here is the latest.  For fun, I've asked her the same exact questions I did a week ago.  She of course  will be informing me all that to me will tell in a bureau or whatever the hell that means.

I'm also including the same picture I've posted before because who says 'no thank you' to bikini pictures except maybe my Nana?

From Dasha:

Hello my dear Loren!!!

It is very pleasant to me to receive your answer!!!

My darling as your mood today? Today I have again visited the Internet - whether cafe and have decided to check up you have written to me

The data, and I with huge pleasure have received your letter with data. Tomorrow I am going to visit travelling agency for this purpose,

To learn the full information of my travel to you and as soon as I learn all information of my travel to you, I will necessarily inform you all that to me will tell in a bureau.

To me is not suffered to meet any more you, to embrace you strong and gently to kiss. I think in each days only of you and about

Ours with you to a meeting!

Even my fellow workers have noticed, that I have changed and became on much self-assured girl after I have found

You. After all you such magnificent, gentle, lovely, careful, trustful, and the most important thing the beloved whom I searched

Throughout long years.

I very strongly love you, and I hope, that already very soon we will be happy together!!!

With huge love and set of gentle kisses, yours Dasha.

(Note: if any woman signs a letter 'with love and set of gentle kisses' - I would probably fall for them.  If my wife read this (she doesn't) and employed such magical phraseology she'd have herself a new BMW).  

BTW - here is what I sent to her the other day, run through a translator which now explains why her emails are mostly insane:

Congratulate Dasha, my shapoopie

I am very sad to hear that your phone is stolen, we do not talk about trees or even my last run, or that would have made profiles. This terrible. I believe that you are wonderful and, of course, I am very romantic and love trees and birds sing many times I like sandwiches for lunch with birds. Propose warmth and care-I will make you fires and get some of the finest silks.

Let me break down yourself.

First I will dress in minute pajamas and/or loungewear, that my closet can offer. I will try several options, but ultimately will avoid specially set red silk pajamas, because they make me sad. This is because I wear that outfit previous occasions.
After I chose clothing, underlines my male attributes still feels soft against my skin, I will spend 10 minutes in front of a mirror, looks for any wrinkles or imperfections. Satisfied with my choice of wardrobe I then will I have to the bar where I will create a sensual cocktail, which will be extremely update and put me in a more relaxed state of mind. Cocktail will be delicious, but unlike anything I never tasted before. Make will look as if the establishment on the ground, but its incredible complexity and balance will, it seems unlikely.

But I cannot say with absolute certainty that, Yes, then and there, invented a cocktail.

Then it will be time to create stole the dish for me. Food certainly will consist of seared Scallops in butter and tenderly sprinkled with relevant herbs and spices. I will also be some Asparagus Sauté and cauliflower, I bought last week because if I do not prepare it tonight he probably will go bad. All these elements will be slow and seductively entered into his mouth when I will savor every bite. Will also bread.

My whetted the appetite of successfully will take for the living room, where I will light a fire and hand feed himself strawberries. I will look at themselves in the mirror and say reassuring things to do this. Things like, "you deserve love," beautiful and form, and have extensive wardrobe of clothing that all fit very well." also will say, "this is not your wine" several times. It may be hard for me to fully consider the words coming out of my mouth, but I want to believe them as my voice will be filled with sincerity and seductiveness.

Then will I take a shower.

After I dried himself with fine Egyptian cotton towels, blending will I beckon me my bedroom, and there I will reach new levels of Ecstasy and pleasure. Three times. Although this will be very full, eventually will be much like, are going to see the range Jodeci and realizing that K-CI is not the special evening. Simply JoJo. It's just not the same thing, but it will still be very, very good.

The next morning I will lay the assortment of bagels and any flavor cream cheese, that one can imagine. I would also just squeezed grapefruit juice. For breakfast, I would expect as, despite the setbacks, I had in the past year, I may still be safe in the knowledge that I can refer to a fantastic evening all to myself and, no matter what, I am one of the sexiest men on the planet and will remain so until the day I die. I know this is not true, as I eat my breakfast.

Your friend, Loren

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