Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Le Snacks

Now I'm somewhere in NW France heading to Paris on the TGV - so I suppose the theme to this post is 'stuff I've seen since leaving London' or 'stuff about France' or something like that.  The did an announcement and unlike Dutch, I understand 20% of what is said to me in French - hopefully everything is said in the present tense and there are a lot of nouns involved.  I'm generally useful if someone needs fork, tie, bedroom, bathroom, ocean, ham, pants or cake.  I can also tell you if it is hot or cold. This is why I work in the US but somehow find myself talking to people overseas a few times a week.  I can tell you when they have snacks available and in which train car - I could do this even if they didn't announce 'the snack car is number 7 and 12' first in English.  Now if they said the snack car WAS #7 and #12 I would still go there because I don't believe in tenses when travelling. 

I'm living in the now. 

Il fait froid.  It is cold. I'm not even sure that is French.

I have only see two people who were clearly Australian and heading to Oktoberfest via Paris.  I knew this because they were wearing matching Australia sweat shirts and the silly German hats with feathers.  The guy had an eye so sideways that I had no idea he was talking to someone else in front of him as I sat next to him.  I'm sure he'll drink so much that his eye will straighten out. 

C'était peut-être mal à dire. Maybe that was bad to say. 

CORRECTION: I should have also said, I have only seen two interesting people WHO were clearly Australian....  otherwise you're thinking I've only seen 2 people which would seem a bit odd. 

The same guy with a guitar keeps walking up and down the aisle.  I don't know the french words for aisle or guitar.  I'd say he could be crazy but often crazy people don't have $150 for a train nor do they have style - he's got style and a guitar but not sure why he keeps going back and forth.  I don't know a lot or any crazy people, so I'm really stereotyping and that is wrong.  He looks like the "Free Credit Report" guy in the commercials.

I should am also going to generalize when I say that English women must have excelling plow skills based on the size of their ankles.  Many a large ankle have I seen.  Like a leg of mutton except no flavor and no one ever puts shoes on their mutton.  I'm sure this was limited to the 3 women I saw in a sketchy neighborhood. I knew it was sketchy because of the 4 racks of pants they were selling in the middle of the road for $1 each pair.  Harrods it was not.

I don't actually know what mutton is, but I had bangers and mash and a few tastes of my friend Frank's lamb pie.  I liked the lamb pie much better.  Frank was good about sharing - I would have never shared. 

I made it 36 hours without using local currency!  I did sort of put someone into a position that they sort of HAD to lend me 20GBP but getting into the cab, telling the driver where to go and as I closed the door I said, 'I only have a credit card'.  It isn't my fault they won't gladly take credit cards.  The waitress at my hotel took my Amex just fine for 2.61GBP.  I think that was about a $5 cup of coffee though...  I say I when in fact it was a team effort.  I mostly embellish for a better story.  The photo above is from the internet for example despite the fact that I can see the Eiffel Tower from my window.

So then we get off the train and this guy who does NOT look like he's working is any official capacity for Eurorail just picks up our bags. He carries them to the cab and puts them in the trunk. He then sticks his hand at me and wants money. Since I don't have anything and I tell him this, he just sits there - hand in the car.  So the guy I'm traveling with digs in his pockets. Sadly, he has mixed his Euros and Pounds and Pence together - I put mine in baggies before the trip.  He assumes the big coin with a 2 on it is good and hands it to him.  It was 2 pence or what I believe to be $0.0375.  He looks at it and throws it at me.  Then the guy I'm with panics and dumps all his change into this guy's hand - then he starts to pick through it. I grabbed him and shoved him out the door with a hearty toss (embellishment notice: I pushed his arm out of the way before he could throw more money at me).  I have excellent tossing skills that I practice with our dog jack who often needs a good zinger right out the door.  Tirez parti de l'asshole de voiture.

Then last night the locals held moped racing from midnight until 2am. Then I didn't turn off my phone and got 2 calls at 2:30am. Then I took an Ambien. Then I slept and missed my wake up at 6am.  Then walking to the office - the giant backhoe working next to the sidewalk messed up and the bucket suddenly swung left - right where I was walking and it knocked over the guardrail next to me and missed breaking my legs by about 2 cm.  Il y a poop dans mon pantalon. (There is poop in my pants). 

I leave for Munich tomorrow afternoon.

Au Revoir.

1 comment:

Mom said...

My poor Loren! Ce demarge! Now do you need new boxers for your b'day?