Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Went to London and All I Got Were These Chopsticks

London 050 So I think that most British people (or the ones representing all British people) are happy and smile a lot.  Except for the angry one in black in front of me on the plane.  She was really mad and she tried to complain to the stewardess lady who told her to 'go to ba.com and tell them'.  It was very efficient and sort of funny.  The lady in front who was made was also about 3,022 stone (which is a weight).  I should say that the flight was 8:25 long and that one hour into the flight they gave you dinner and 5 hours later they gave you breakfast - so I'm not sure what there was to complain about except that you got 2 meals way to close together.  I should also say, British people are all 70+ and are married.  This I also got from my very statistically sound sampling of everyone on the plane.

The lady's tray table next to me broke so while I pretended to sleep I listened to the flight steward try to fix this thing with first aid tape.  When I woke up it was a frankenseat - all covered in crisscrossed first aid tape that didn't hold at the table kept smacking the lady's knees when we'd hit a bump or two.  We hit one or two every second - so my neighbor had a full-time job which was better than her questions about going through passport control. It's like going anywhere else except you shouldn't joke a lot and despite a pretty antiquated job role, they really enjoy the power of passport control officer - so let them.  I then found out that one of my kids used my passport as a coloring book.  I found a blue house and some attempted replications of stamps throughout the documentation.  THANK YOU PIPER I KNOW IT'S YOU!

Then I went to dinner after working yesterday and instead of getting told what an idiot our President is (that was what I usually got for the past 8 years) I got asked about health care.

All I really wanted was a fork.

Because I don't like using chopsticks - it's like using a plow and a horse to farm where there's a perfectly good tractor right next to it?  Sure I could stab at rice and maybe get some veggies with my spring roll, but I usually end up squishing it all to hell and it falls onto my plate.  Now, chopsticks are a perfectly good way to fix the healthcare crisis in the US.  I know I'd probably not eat a lot if I got pissed off every time I ate.  I'm not guessing it would help much with the hamburger and KFC crowd, it would certainly make people think twice before sitting down with a bowl of casserole if you had two bamboo sticks to eat it with.  I'm of course associating over-eating with our healthcare crisis.  Which isn't fair because obesity is a handicap and not a problem.

We've also really angered some cabbies here by getting into the cab, let them start driving and then yell 'oh, by the way we have a credit card only'.  This is because we're trying to get along as much as possible without getting British pounds.  1) You cant use them anywhere but here 2) we're here for 36 hours.  Then they throw a 10% surcharge at you for all the extra work it takes to process a credit card.  This was awesome when I had a 70 GBP cab ride ($114).  I'm glad we whooped these people in the Battle of Trenton. 

I'll get some Euros when I hit Paris tonight.  I do like London, but there are too many streets that cross all over the place without making any sense - there isn't a road that goes straight for more than a block or two.  Nothing is square and the Queen should fix that.  I'm not even going to run here despite being about 2 blocks from Buckingham Palace because I'm not sure actually in which direction it is.  So I'm doing yoga and push ups and crunches on my floor in my room at the Park Plaza Hotel which is not near a park nor a plaza.  I'm inspired to do them quickly since I've seen nail clippings on the floor and they're not mine. 

I think the highlight today - aside of my 7 hours of presentations on data systems, data integrity and analysis will be the 1.5 hour lunch break I scheduled where I can get a proper British lunch consisting of a pint and some sort of meat/gravy/potato combination.  I'm actually having someone do the presentation after lunch so I can sit and nod my head a lot and keep from falling asleep. 

Ok, back to the push ups.... Victorian Style.

1 comment:

Courtenay said...

sometimes you have too much coffee. or too many chopsticks, either one.