Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why Barbie and Olivia Newton John Pretty Much are the Best Chicks Ever but Desiree Ficker is Pretty Close

Having 2 daughters, 3 sisters a wife, 2 moms (as a result of being married not a member of Warren Jeff’s freaky group), 2 female cats and a guinea pig named Elizabeth means I get a lot of girly stuff.  It’s bad enough I shave my legs, own more spandex than cotton and have a girl’s name (yes, the spelling is Loren but that doesn’t matter to most people) – but I’ve got all of those other things above that mean I’m pretty much able to use either restroom – I’m entitled to it I think. 

image This also means I get to watch a lot of musicals – which I’m usually responsible for buying – and there’s a lot of Barbie in my life.  In the last week we’ve watched An American in Paris, Singing in the Rain and Xanadu.  IF you knew ANYTHING about musicals, these 3 are awesome (my friend Tracy – another guy with a girl’s name – is now writing an email to me saying that is the gayest thing ever) and they have Gene Kelly (who is probably not related to Kelly but I’ll link to her anyhow).  The girls love the dancing and the music is classic – I mean who didn’t have a mom singing ‘good morning… good MAHNIN’ or at least in the case of Greta, the Orowheat Bread commercial used it. 

(At this point in the blog Ian who has 2 boys is thinking he’s got it pretty good but this same guy always seems to have Fergie on the radio – so there’s that).  PS – he’s beating the crapola out of his cancer so check out his blog and throw him some good thoughts). 

I also had the Xanadu soundtrack when I was in 3rd grade but didn’t see the movie until a week ago.  It’s pretty much a lot of bad roller skating, Olivia Newton John, killer music from ELO, the only crotch cam scene ever outside of adult film, and a lot of really weird 80’s stuff.  A lot.  But the girls love it and at this point I’ll take anything over the soundtrack from High School Musical 1 and 2. 

The girls also love Barbie.  Barbie is just not a doll, she’s a fairy princess, a folk rocker, a student, and pretty much anything Mattel can imagine and package into 30 pages or a DVD.  Last night I had to read 2 Barbie books because you’re supposed to read to your kids and they hate Triathlete Magazine and they won’t sit still to listen to Johan Brunyeel’s “We Might as Well Win” (which is ok not great). 

Actually they don’t hate Triathlete Magazine but they start asking about who people are and did they win and then they always ask ‘did you win daddy’ and I have to say ‘not really, 5th was pretty close overall and 2nd in my age group but no…. I didn’t win’. 

So as I was saying….  we were reading Barbie and Barbie is really more like a movie star who plays other characters and she usually knows someone who is magical and can fly.  Last night alone in 30 pages the following happened:

  • Barbie found a baby polar bear and kept it
  • She caused her whole kingdom (really her parent’s) to turn to stone
  • She MADE a magic wand
  • She found out her sister was really a flying horse under a magic spell
  • She killed an evil wizard
  • She un-did the spell and her sister was this hot blond thing fully dressed despite the fact she was a winged horse seconds ago – go figure.
  • A handsome prince rode by and did something – I swear there’s a glut of these lazy guys in every kindgom, just out ‘happening to ride by’ – or maybe that’s their job since so much actually depends upon them happening to come along.  They’re like fairyland patrol cars, except on horseback.

The girls didn’t bat an eyelash or ask a single question – like “Dad is it really likely that Alana could really descend from the castle using a hair ribbon she happened to have that was about 300 ft long?” 

So there. 

Here is how Desiree did at Kona.  I think she felt bad.  I hope she has a better 2009 season!

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My friend Rhae Shaw always does well:

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1 comment:

Sarah said...

Since you like fairy tales, you should read my blog today. And you should then share the story with Greta, because I think she would appreciate it (the first one, anyway).

What happened to Desiree out there? Your favs just didn't have good days, did they? Maybe in 09. :(

Barbie can do anything. Like, even have her own dvd series...wtf??? When did that happen? Back in my day we had to make up stories for Barbie...