Friday, September 12, 2008

What to Do….

Now that I’m done racing and I’m not training or doing anything remotely resembling the life of a triathlete (Ok, I wear sneakers with everything and find my Under Armour warm up coat ‘nicely dressed’).  I slept a lot this week, ate some ice cream, candy and have been working hard to finish 2 beers or glasses of wine.  I know I’ve got about 3-4 more weeks of ‘nothing’ before making an effort to slap on the spandex.

In the meantime I’m serving jury duty.  If you haven’t ever done it – you should and then you can decide if you ever want (whether by choice or not) to be tried by your peers.  I’m still not sure I would. 

Here’s the front row (I’m sitting at the front of the jury room looking at my peers):

  • early 30’s guy in black ‘thrasher’ hat – it says thrasher.  Bad rule follower, it says no hats, shorts or tank tops in the ‘what to wear to jury duty’ instructions.  UPDATE: he’s been unemployed for 2 months.  He told the judge that.  Maybe less Thrashing and more applying for jobs next time.  You’re not excused sir, says the judge.
  • 23 white haired guys, clearly retired, fairly new Rockport walking shoes or white sneakers (my dad wears Reeboks I think), this type of sneaker doesn’t have a sport assigned to it except Home Depot runs and lawn mowing on Saturdays.  They all talk the same speed and say the word ‘tough’ when describing things because they’re all sitting next to people telling them sad stories…. geeeze, that’s tough….  I think one guy has a dickey on. 
  • 23 white haired ladies, clearly the spouses of the fellows above.  The shirts denote a recent raid on Pennys (JC) or Chicos.  None would dare wear jeans unless they’re mom jeans though I don’t see any.  Shoes are comfortable.  All came to the courthouse in a Ford Taurus.  All brought their ‘Mrs. Claus-like’ rear ends and cankles.  I bet they can all make a mean apple cobbler or baked beans.  They smile the most. 


  • The AV club, these are all guys, early 40s who were probably in the high school AV club – all united by slightly longer hair, black t-shirt, an earing or two, laptop and a secret Foghat playlist on their iPods.  I’m sitting next to one, so I should be careful – I should tell him that the network is protected by a password here but he keeps trying the same thing using windows and all of the help and support files to figure it out.  If he had Vista, it would have told him this.  Upgrade!
  • Yoga lady.  She was humming, crossing her legs sitting ‘indian style’ and continues to stretch non-stop.  Her jeans have sparkles on the back pockets – not just a few, but a few hundred.  My girls would think they were cool.  She’s got on sandals but surprisingly no toe rings or anything with little bells.  She’s not married and so long as she keeps that humming up – she won’t ever be.  She’s in the entertainment industry and that’s what she told the judge.
  • Me: since I can’t wear shorts (savages!) I’m wearing jeans which freaked Soda out when she saw me dropping Sada off this morning.  They said to dress comfortable, so I’ve got on a Brooks long sleeve technical shirt, a lightweight navy North Face fleece pull over, a pair of Cole Haan “Tiburon (that’s the real model name) driving mocs and a pair of Oakleys still on my head.  Fuel Belt transition backpack next to me.  So handsome.  So fetching. 

Here’s the pant count for the front row:

4 pair of black jeans (yes, people are wearing these), 8 pair of blue jeans – 1 with sparkle pockets, 3 pair of khakis, 4 pair of black pants but one has autumn leaves on them, 1 black skirt and 1 pair of maroon cords.  Hey – my friend TJ is sitting about 5 people away from me.  Bad time to yell hi.

There you go.  I’m hoping to get out of this and will proclaim to be completely biased against whatever race the defendant is. 

UPDATE: before we even got started, this guy wanted to know if he could sue the court and attorneys because he wasn’t getting paid as much as the attorneys to do essentially the same thing and that San Quentin inmates make more money than he will serving on the jury.  The judge asked if he knew what the pay was and he said no.  Mr. short ponytail 0, Court 1. 

UPDATE 2: he then wanted to know if because he was prejudiced against Home Depot (the defendant) and that there was no constitutional precedent for this type of case and that it didn’t matter because the court would give the plaintiff tens of millions of dollars.  Mr. Short Ponytail 0, Court 2.  Lady with the sparkle pockets gave him a hug- it was gross.  Love fest, boooo. Obviously still sore about the stolen 2000 election.


Greg Remaly said...

this is one of the best posts i've ever read. you need to keep a running diary of everything that transpires. please.

i'm even hoping you get picked just so i can read entertaining blogs about the whole experience. a bit selfish of me, i guess, but oh well.

i am also shocked by the black jeans count. jesus.

Soda said...

YES!!! please please when you get stuck somewhere describe the weird people, it entertains me. How about when you start riding the ferry again, that should be slightly interesting, or start riding the bus.

Chris Westall said...

I'm in agreement with the group... you have to keep writing about Jury Duty!

I'm not as shocked by the black jeans thing. Julie works for Levi's and says "they're making a strong comeback".

I won't go so far as to say you should ride the bus, but I do think you should pick 1 person per day to post about. Some totally wacky person you come across in your day.

Sarah said...

This was awesome. Seriously Loren, your observations are meticulous. I felt like I was right there in the courtroom with you.

While I was dismayed to hear the number of black jeans that were worn, I was happy that no instances of 'jorts' occurred. That would've been over the top.

Look forward to hearing more???