Monday, April 7, 2008

More of the same...

I stayed home today - the kids are sick, the nanny is sick.  I hate missing work - I did as much as possible while watching these two beat the snot out of each other by taking a stuffed animal and running.  When you watch 2 kids who are sick, you are exposed to a lot of bad things:

1) I got my laptop stickered to death with Little Einstein stickers,  23 exactly, then they wanted them back!

2) I got gassed out by a kid who insisted on sitting next to me denying the fact that she was floating some SBDs my way for a good 90 mins.

3) We bought lemonade from the kids across the street who knew we were in our fenced front yard because the girls would say real loud 'WHAT IS LEMONADE $0.25?'.  Since we live in a cul-de-sac with about 3 people who ever drive down it - I felt compelled.  So I grabbed some quarters (thinking they were really $0.25) and found out, lemonade had gone up (likely due to the cost of gas these days) to forty-five cents!  I shuffled over the the stand, staffed by two four year olds and a five year old and said I'll take one.  I handed over $0.50, got no change and one of the four year olds hands me back a cup with a bug and no more than 2oz of lemonade.  Luckily before I asked for my money or kicked over their stand, grandma lemonade stand came over and said 'you can give them more than that'.  So I feel good about that.  2 for 1, plus a bug.  I should have called the health department. 

4) I changed 2 poopy diapers before noon.  Not a good sign.

5) they took more of those Little Einstein stickers and put them on the kitchen table.  Sada said 'Piper did that', and as always I responded with 'is that the truth' and she says 'I did it'.  Issued beating, scrape stickers off with razor blade. make ham roll ups for lunch. 

Side note: Ham when rolled up is more appealing to kids than ham on a sandwich.  Actually, you can do anything with food so long as it's not recognizable as a sandwich, call it something funny and they'll eat it - this is the key to both McDonalds and Starbucks.  Crappy meat, high fat buns, call it a Quarter Pounder and you're done.  Take milk that you have at home, take coffee that you have at home, put it in a paper cup because you couldn't possibly use one of the 32 coffee cups you have and ask for a 2.50*.  Roll up ham, put on plate call it a Johnny Rolly Pants and they eat it.  Tell them it's ham and forget it. 'I don't like ham'. 

*We have $1,200 espresso machine and yet we went to SBUX yesterday.  I also had 3 Johnny Rolly Pants for lunch today and McDonalds after my race last weekend.  Kiss that hypocrisy and make it your own to abuse with your own kids, dog, cat or pig.

6) kids down for nap, work on spec.

7) kids wake up and now one is back asleep next to me, not gassing me out though - she's saving that for her sister.

8) Piper is running around crop dusting the house with what I believe to be 'a real beauty' by diaper standards.  That makes 3.  She's insisting that nothing is wrong as she walks around with a boot on, a barefoot, a cow, a monkey, a runny nose, uncombed hair - all insisting that her toy cow is stuck in this toy while I insist that if she takes her hand off of it and stops shoving his head in the toy that he'll be better. 

9) Greta is working late, I'm missing my company meeting and my wife.


Rory said...

This is an awesome non tri post! Good luck in your next race. It is frustrating when things don't go the way that you want.

Courtenay said...

i now understand the title from one of your posts a couple weeks ago, "my dad is better than your dad", where the post had nothing in it about dads.
apparently this is the name of some television show on network tv that i guess you watch.

your kids are funny!

Anonymous said...

so maybe I don't want to come home so fast... jk that still sounds more entertaining than here.