Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Double Post Day

I sort of hate these things - but felt compelled to post it since it's been sitting in my 'things to post' folder:

You Might Be A Triathlete If . . .
Spend any time at all on triathlon blogs (including this blog) and you will see a recurring theme: pensive wanderings about who am I, am I a "real" triathlete, can I accomplish my goals . . . (I know that Tracy reads this blog but spends most of his free time at the Superficial or worse.

Triathlete-ocity is not an on or off kind of thing. It is more like a virus. It can be dormant, somewhat active, or in full blown rage throughout your body. I have developed a test that involves no bloodletting by which you can tell if you are a triathlete, and if so, how "bad" a case of triathlonitis you are carrying. I offer this as a public service.

You might be a triathlete, if:

1. You or your spouse have ever asked the question "Honey, does this wetsuit make me look fat?"

2. You use words like "hydrate" and "hydration" rather than "drink" or even "beverage."

3. You have referred to "breakfast" "lunch" or "dinner" as "nutrition" rather than "breakfast" "lunch" or "dinner." (I do know that Tracy believes that hydration = 3-6 brews the week of a half-ironman).

4. You have ever calculated how many grams of carbohydrate or protein per kilogram of body weight are in that peanut butter sandwich. (Give yourself two points if you knew how many kilograms you weighed before starting the calculation.)

5. You and your spouse each have a special razor for shaving something other than your face. (Loren: even worse when my daughters know how to shave their legs from watching me - I can only imagine what Ian will do to his boys).

6. You have ever thought about installing "yankz" on your dress shoes.

7. Your daughter has, at least once, referred to your swimming attire as "panties." (I'm sure they've thought this about Ben's purple swim panties)

8. Your car always, or nearly always, contains a bike, a swim bag, and a run bag--just in case there is time to squeeze in an extra workout.

9. You have leaped off your spin bike at the end of class, yanked on running shoes and sprinted for the treadmill. (Give yourself two points if you either timed yourself in that interval, or if you referred to it, even in private, as T2).

10. You have strong feelings about the proper or best workout or recovery drink or gel. (Give yourself two points if you have ordered said condiment online and in bulk.)

11. Your heart rate elevates when you surf for bike porn and charts, and you surf for those instead of, well, . . . other stuff.

12. You insist that any list of the world's sexiest women is not complete absent Jessi Stensland, Mel McQuaid or Lindsay Benko (I'd also add in Sarah Haskins on a good day, Sam McGlone or Sarah Sweetland. Ben has this belief that Macca is constantly trying to seduce him - so I'm not sure what to say).

15. You have a tan line across your back from a heart monitor strap. (Ben and Tracy (Austin, TX) one day hope for a tan line of any kind).

16. Your online friends have names that include terms like "Iron" or "Tri" or "Geek" (Give yourself two points if you already knew Iron Wil was a "girl"). (Let alone: Soda, Huggy Bear, Uncle Huli, Aquaman...)

17. When you leave the house, you not only have a briefcase, but also a transition bag and a food bag. (Give yourself 2 points if you also have a "special needs" bag and an additional point if you shower at home less than twice each week).

18. You know what GYGO stands for and pine for it at the end of every week.

19. You don't actually think spending 3 hours at the IHOP is any fun. Ian's House of of Pain is open 24/7.

1 comment:

Ian said...

IHOP is always fun. And, what's wrong with putting Yankx on your dress shoes? very funny