Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Mt Rainier Duathlon Recap PLUS CONTROVERSY!

I did a race.  It was the second duathlon (which has been confusing people because it’s running and biking, 2 sports, but really you run twice and bike once which makes it pretty much a triathlon since even Piper will tell you 2+1 = 3) of the season for me. 

My Goals:

#1 No concussions because I’m not allowed to have any more this year (I used my allocation in the last race where I looked like this after 1 lap).

45349_10152338652736531_2060948760_n (2)

#2 Top 3 bike split.  Why?  Well, let’s explain my training: I only ride my bike.  So seriously, I should be able to ride ok. 

Actually, this isn’t true.  I help coach 70 elementary school kids from grades 3-5 every friday run 1.5 miles.   After the first mile, you get to play on the playground.  It doesn’t seem to really feel like running but mostly it’s actively telling kids that they aren’t at the mall and they should keep running. So there, I run 1.5 miles every friday at a blistering pace of maybe 12-15 min miles.  Maybe.

But my bike training is this:

Mon: easy

Tues: max sprints up a hill.  Do that a bunch.  Then Tuesday evening do a time trial about mercer island 2x.  It’s really just sitting on behind someone much faster than me but since he’s a cat 1 cyclist and is the size of a schoolgirl, the draft is negligible. 

Wed: and I quote from my coach ‘ride as #%*#$ hard as you can for an hour’. 

Thurs: race a crit at seward park

Fri: easy

Sat: 2-3 hours of something awful

Sun: not as awful but 2 hours

So this is good for racing crits and bikes but not ideal for duathlon or triathlon.  I digress….

So the run was 1.7 miles (ish) then 15 mile bike, then another 3.7 miles of running (ish).

I set my bike up the day before, a pair of Zipp 808’s because there’s a nasty hill which isn’t awesome for a disc wheel (heavy).  I even found a pair of sneakers to run in.  I even rode the bike to make sure it shifted and the brakes worked (I have done races where my bike did neither very well).  Then I woke up Sunday AM and both tires were flat and sad.  So after about 15 mins of panicked pumping and trouble shooting I grabbed another set of wheels and threw it all into the car. 

I did a quick shakedown on the bike (aka warm-up) with a disc wheel and an 808 front which was happier once it spent some time in the car warming up to 70 degrees.  This point is important because the bike course isn’t that tricky but there are 2 key turns but it wasn’t like figuring out a special spell with Hermionie or Ronald Weasley.  I put in some low tempo with a few ‘efforts’ getting my HR up to race tempo.  See below – no lies and thank you Strava for highlighting no achievements.  Jerks.

Then I rode into transition where an amazing USAT official decided they didn’t like where my transition stuff was (it was a small towel with 1 pair of sneakers) so they MOVED IT.  They thought too many bikes were on one side, so they moved my stuff.  THEY MOVED MY STUFF! 

I’m not sure this is in their job description but in Seattle, it isn’t viewed as odd to just move people’s things in transition or wave when you merge into traffic or comment on how you should be doing something.  If you’re not a triathlete this might sound like a big ‘who cares’ but it would be like someone re-parking your car at the mall or grocery store because there are too many SUV’s in a row and someone can’t open their door fully. 


I lined up and started running.  And wowzers, people were running fast. Well for me.  I saw the 3 times I looked at my Garmin that I was running very low 6 min miles. Then I was soon back at transition only to see people running through it and my hope that 1.7 miles were behind me and I realized I had to do 2 laps.  Which was a lot to ask because I’m motivated by frosted cookies and cheerleaders and my family.

Then that number I was running was still in the 6’s but not 6:05.  More like 6:15 and then it got bigger (the number to the right of the 6:nn ).  But thankfully not before someone’s nana passed me and I’m not KIDDING.  Nana. Passed. Me.  Throwing down 6s.

Then once 50% of my pride evaporated it was onto the best part – changing clothes and stuff and getting on/off the bike!  I passed a bunch of people doing that even though I think I didn’t even bother to try.  The nana thing was still hurting.  Plus it wasn’t a goal and I’m goal oriented.

Then I got on my bike and followed the course.  I had a gel, took about 32 minutes getting my shoes on and a sip of water.  I didn’t have a speedometer or anything that told me how fast I was going but my HR said 180 and I’m pretty sure that was enough.  Then a redneck passed me and ran a truck off the road coming in the other direction.  That was the highlight of the whole thing. 

I rode ok but NEVER saw ANYONE.  Not in 15 miles.  No one.  I did hear chickens at one point.  There was an awful hill and people were clapping just after the worst part ever and I wanted to get off my bike and watch Spongebob with my kids.  The hill was terrible going up and down.  It was cold and wet and windy and my bike was blowing all over the place and once you go over 30mph and you bike is threatening to ruin your 1st goal (No concussions!) you slow down, well I did.  So I did and at that point my #2 goal was all but a piece of decroded crap too.


So I got off the bike wicked fast and I heard an oooh and some clapping and I felt good about that.  Then I started running but couldn’t feel my feet and I was not running fast. Like 7:40 pace.  Kill me. 

It didn’t get better.  And that gel that I had on the bike was knocking on my upper GI looking for an exit.  Nay. Gel. Nay.

I wasn’t having any fun. I started running from one telephone pole to the next one.  I couldn’t feel my feet and around mile 2 I got passed by the only person I saw the whole race.  Somehow I didn’t slow down worse than (according to my wrist) 7:45 pace but it felt like hell.  I saw the finish and that was that.  I forgot to mention I got moo’d at by a handful of cows.  That too hurt.   I’m sure they were thinking “LOOSE COW!”.

THEN SUDDENLY some guys runs up to me and says ‘did you do the full bike course?’ and I was like ‘yeah’ and he tells me I’m actually 3rd.  See, proof below.  Apparently 8 guys just somehow didn’t notice the BRIGHT ORANGE CONE AND SIGN THAT SAID ‘RIGHT TURN BIKE’, not to mention there’s a map of the course and then still not mentioning that some near 300 people behind them were able to figure it out (I should actually mention there wasn’t a sign that said ‘right turn’ it was an arrow pointing right).  So they ended up DQ’ing a pile o fellas who are not strong map readers or good planners which gives me 3rd place over all and 1st place in my age group. 

SO that’s that.  I’m also going to start running now.  I’m pretty sure adding 20 miles a week to my training might actually keep me out of the hurt locker in the race and will allow me to throw down on nana in my next race.  And I had the #2 bike split.  I think.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Friends, Please meet Kseniya, my new Russian Girlfriend

For those of you know remember all of those wonderful russian girlfriend scammers I’ve had in the past – FORGET THEM!  Please meet Kseniya.  In her own words:

Do you really want my own image?


That’s all she wrote.  So of course, who DOESN’T WANT MY OWN IMAGE!  So I wrote to this very capable and floatation device ready Russian beauty…  from me:

Hi, you are really quite stunning!  I like your braids.

Then the dear Kseniya responds quickly:

Hello! :-)Thank you. it's very nice! I was sure that you will answer to my letter. 
Now I write to you from my personal box (before I wrote from working) 
... if you do not mind I will write you  a long letter tomorrow, or later today  .. 
I'm sorry .. I'm in a hurry, and I hope that you like my photos :-)


And then I responded as quickly as I could:

Wow, thank you very much for the photos.  You are beautiful – like a sunset but with legs and a wicked belt.  I hope to know you more, your name is confusing.  How do you pronounce it?  Like K-mart – Kay Seniya or silent K and Seniya?  Or is it something else?  Where do you live?  It must be near heaven, for you look like an angel!  Tell Jesus hi!  Where do you live?  Your design style appears Russian aka random crazy style.  I’m guessing you’ll send me bikini photo next?  Yes?  I know a few things you know, but when I see a girl with a belt like that I say ‘is this the WWF’?  I’m not speaking of the world wildlife foundation.  I’m speaking of the greatest sport in the world, Professional Wrestling.  Anyways, I don’t want to sound crazy.  Gotta Rick Roll. 

Looking forward to your letters!



And that is where we stand.  You’re welcome.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Cyclocross Race Report: MFG Cyclocross Finn Hill aka Bike Racing Sexytime

Not a triathlon race report but cyclocross does include running and biking. 

So my Hagens Berman teammate Chad made me buy a cyclocross bike and do this.  Mostly he just would ride his road bike over curbs and I wanted to be able to do that.  Plus my friends said cross was the most fun ever.  I thought it would be worth it to try, so I got a team bike, a Blue Norcross EX.  My only exposure to cross was actually standing where the famous Joey video was shot.  It didn’t look like fun.  Plus I heard there was beer. 

So I did a clinic on Sat with this guy Morgan Schmitt who apparently rides cross and a road bike pretty good but he must have spent an hour or so showing me how to get on and off the bike, which I figured important and necessary.  I learned what happens when you miss your saddle and land on the top tube and I learned what happens when you eat it just riding along.  I didn’t cry, not once.   I did fall into a raspberry bush, smashed 2 legs and need an oven mitt on my inner thigh for the next 2 weeks so I can get on my bike.  I swear I saw a unicorn which made me fall.  I had 32 candy corns when I got home as preventive medicine. 


Then I showed up at the park and even signed up for the race.  They suggested based on my physique and 60 mins of cross experience at the clinic the day before that the Cat 4 35+ crowd would be good for me.  I didn’t know this was like 50+ guys. 

I pre rode the course about 5x because it seemed like the more experience the better.  I practiced lines and found some areas where I was good (going downhill is apparently at the top of my skillset).  Then I had a gel because I’m pretty sure my warm up was about the same speed as my race and I needed a snack.

Then it was time to race, so I just stood where they told me to.  And then I looked back.  I was right next to the pole position with about 302 guys behind me.  Small panic as I didn’t really want to end up screwing up turn one which happens at the end of a 200 yard uphill sprint, so I went to the back of the entire field, behind the cupcake and laughing/mullet group.  See diagram:


So then I was ready.  I had nothing to do but pass people for the whole race.   The back of the whole group is not ideal as I found turn 1 was a cluster and then going into the woods on a small single track with 2 whoopties was a standstill, like a Starbucks drive through.  I did a bunch of running around people that were in the cupcake group (i.e. they eat a lot of them) and then picked off a few people per lap that didn’t  embrace enough V02 max efforts this summer.  My guessing at tire pressure on the start line caused me to go with the wheels a tick low, so I was sliding sideways on more of the paved sections.  My worries about getting off and on the bike were for nothing as I figured out the cowboy dismount (I was told not to do my triathlon inspired “fancy dismount”) pretty quickly and hopped on the bike just fine with all boy parts in-tact.  I think one of the highlights was when I passed a jr rider who started to cry during the race when he saw his dad, something about needing his glasses.  I hope his dad told him there is no crying in cyclocross.  I don’t know what the hell was wrong with that kid.  I never once cried during a race this year, sniffles yes, tears no.

Some stuff I learned.

1. Vo2 efforts are necessary, keep doing them

2. Air pressure over 40. 

3. Weigh less

4. Do NOT start behind the cupcake group. 

5. Ride faster.  I had another 7-10 beats I could have added.  172 hr is for my nana.  I could have managed 180+ avg.

6. There actually is crying in cyclocross but there should not be.

7. IT IS FUN. 

8. There are a lot of people who don’t train enough.

9. I have probably the heaviest wheels on the planet. 

10. I do not have the largest rear end for men 35+.

11. There are a lot of people who own cowbells.

I finished 30th out of 82 and 3:00 back from the lead.

Monday, September 17, 2012

So I did that race

So I did that race on Sat.  Well actually a short bit ago, the Lake Sammamish Triathlon.

Except the whole week before I was sick.  Like I didn’t even go to work and it was a lot of effort to even play Xbox.  I had a cold, which probably explained some of the less than awesome I expected in the prior race.  So there, if you beat me last week, I WAS SICK!

So I woke up on race day.  The cat pooped on the laundry room floor which is NOT the way to wake up.  So before most of my fellow racers had their coffee, I cleaned that up. 

Because this race was flat (ish) I was going to race my TT bike, which is an S-Works Transition with the fancy wheels (Zipp 808 and Pro Disc).  This bike is pretty heavy compared to the S-Works Shiv TT module I’m selling WITH SRAM Red cranks (let me know if you’re interested!).  It’s more fun than just about anything in the world to ride, except when it hurts.  Then it’s mostly fun. 

Note: folks the bike is like 14 miles.  You don’t really need 2 water bottles, a gel(s), Bento box and a flat kit.  I saw more than a few people and aided the 1st time triathlete next to me who had planned on drinking an entire quart of Gatorade on the bike.  I should have let her but it’s a horrible lesson to learn. 


So the race is basically every male over 29 in wave one and then other people later.  Awesome.  I also got kicked in the face except I have special ninja reflexes and got my arm in front of my face just in time.  I saw one guy cut the buoy, the shame on you mister is UNGODLY: SHAME ON YOU.  Then I finished which is always pretty much my goal of the swim and to not have some sort of water plant on my face giving me a weird mustache.  Finishing before the next wave passes me is a secondary goal.  I finished that sucker in 116th  out of 305.  Again, I don’t swim.  I don’t believe in swim training this year.  I didn’t even use my swim cords all week because I was sick.  SICK!  Then I saw my friend Ed who beat me out of the swim.  Which is awesome for him except he only has 1 leg to run on.   I’m pretty sure he swims.  I’m considering it for 2013.   I did beat him running to my bike though. 

I also noted earlier in the week that I weighed 190.1 lbs.  If you see my race photos, you will not find this hard to believe.  You will not find it hard to believe I like pumpkin scones, cake, ice cream, frosting, nachos and beer.   Remember this key point.  I’m also not 6’3” which might make it ok.  I’m 5’11”.   I am 11.9% body fat.  This I’m told is good if I’m not a guy.  I am, this is not as bad as the 190.1 lbs. 

See, me:


So this gets us to changing out of the wetsuit.  I was NOT in a hurry really because I came out of T1 in 9th.  My glasses were foggy because it was about 11 degrees out.  9th for T1 is a great shame for me.  Then again, could have been the lingering cold.  Or some effect from cleaning up cat poop at 4:45am.    I’m also including the teams “The Sunday Drivers” and  “Sprint for Jesus” in this ranking.  I spanked ‘Shrek’s Wetsuit Strippers’ and they were a team.  Seriously all you had to do was run and change over the timing chip people.  Renewed focus on T1 next season.  I promise. 

So then I get on the bike.  I passed people because the disc wheel makes it lots of fun because of the racket it makes.  Plus if you don’t go fast (ish) I’d feel like a jerk.  I passed a bunch of people and saw the guy in first place didn’t have disc wheels or fancy anything.  I felt a little like a jerk.  I finished the bike 5th overall.   But first in my AG.  5th overall includes the relay team where they guy who rode ONLY HAD TO RIDE.  He wasn’t all wet and 190lbs and didn’t have the smell of cat poop lodged in his head.  So really, I finished 4th off the bike. 

This means T2, which is more fun than T1 because I get to leap from a speeding bike and people are watching and I learned NOT to do this over 12mph.  Ever.  I was 11th.  But this includes Jesus and the Drivers.  They only beat me by 0.3 of a second. 

Then I had to run.  Which I don’t do really, except when I race.  Plus I was SICK ALL WEEK.  Did you know every 1lb = 5 seconds per mile?  I noticed this.  Every mile.  I did see the top group of 4 about 200 yards away – I WAS CLOSE!  I bet they didn’t have carrot cake the night before.  Mine was awesome. 

Then I ran and ran.  While I’m not embracing ‘training’ I do believe in running as if I was being chased by someone dangerous or just being scared in general.  This is my technique for running 7:32 miles.  Zombies run closer to 9:15s so I imagine something faster.  This pace I ran, is the equivalent of a school bus doing 0-60 in 7 seconds.  Let’s say I get to my former race weight… 167.. that’s 23lbs x 5 seconds or rather 1:55 faster if I just gave up cake and beer and frosting and…. and yeah, that’s about 5:37 miles.  But I’d have to buy new shorts and pants and it’s economically more sensible for me to maintain. 

So I got passed.  And passed again and blah.  I actually ran under 7 min mile for the last mile because I got passed by a 14 year old kid and I felt better knowing I could drive myself home and I probably could play as much Xbox as I wanted.  I also had a piece of cake in the truck with name on it.  Seriously.   Actually I got passed by 4 people I think.  The cake was delicious.

I ran somewhere in 11 millionth place.  But still I was 2nd in my AG.  20th overall including the teams and crap. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I did a triathlon (includes jokes)

I was so hooked on racing without investing anything into training that I wanted to actually train and see what would happen.  

So I ran a few times, maybe 50 miles between my last race and this one.  So divide 50-60 miles and divide by 3 weeks. 

So I ran a little and still commuted by bike and stopped drinking wine for 3 days.   I raced a crit on the Thursday before the race which put a solid 41 miles into my legs and a lot of 0 watts, then 700 watts, then 0 watts.  Do this twice a lap for about 20 laps and your legs get tired.  Lots of hard efforts and recovery which is what I read about in triathlete magazine all the time.  Except I think they mean for more than 7 seconds. 

I also got swim cords because I don’t want to swim but while swimming in a race, my arms get tired and my arm warmers barely stay up these days.  So I did a lot of those swim cord pseudo swimming reps the week before the race.  Don’t forget I don’t really want to embrace actual training.  My wife says she can tell a difference btw.  She didn’t say killer lats, just ‘I see a difference’.  I also asked my 7 year old and she said no she didn’t see more muscles.

So here’s my base training up to now: 150 miles+ a week of cycling including at least 1 race.  Ran 50-60 miles over 3 weeks.  No wine for 3 days.  Swim cords, 300 reps a day every day for a week. 

So now we race and the 40-44 males are in the water, I’m not the only one in their first trimester – a few baby bjorns appear to be under some wetsuits which make me feel better. 

I swam just fine, I did forget how to breathe and about halfway through remembered I should be exhaling IN the water.  I seriously needed a helicopter mom yelling at me “BUBBLES LOREN BLOW BUBBLES” the whole time.  My kids swim team does have some benefits of sitting there for hours and hours each week….

My boss also showed up to cheer for me. 

I swam the same triangle that everyone else did.   See.  Mostly a triangle, 28th in my AG, something like 176th overall.  It’s fine because I wasn’t last and I didn’t cry even once.


Then I got out of the water and T1’d my buns off.  T1: 3rd (I think 5th overall or so).  I also tore my wetsuit taking it off.  Though I take pride in having a faster T1 than fellow softie Jilani who didn’t even WEAR a wetsuit.  Remember, pretend it’s on fire and you’ll get it off fast.  Plus lots of baby oil. 

Then yay, the bike.  I brought my road bike, with Zipp 808s.  Not just to prove that I’m not a triathlete but that it’s about 14.5 lbs and I heard there was a hill and some turns.  During mile 1 I was sort of hoping for my TT bike but then I saw a hill and passed about 11 hundred people on TT bikes.  Then the course went downhill and I used my ‘as seen in the Tour DEY France ‘ downhill crazy position (put your upper body over the bars and get as small as possible).  I passed lots going downhill, coasting while also updating Facebook and thinking about my next Jamba Juice.  Bike: 8th (5th-8th were within 3 seconds of each other which is my way of saying that if I tried for 3 more seconds I would have been 5th), I think top 30 overall.  Not great for me, but I felt like I tried.  My avg HR was 173 for the bike.  185 on the climbs.  I got passed by no one.  This makes me feel ok. 

Then more changing: T2: 2nd, I think somewhere top 5 OA for T2.  Again, there’s a fast way to do stuff. 

Then there was running and it was on the grass and a little uphill and my body and lungs and soul did not want to do this.  I saw dead people and felt awful.  Then I got onto the road, my HR settled and I was RUNNING.   I passed a bunch of people but they didn’t have the right ages on their legs.  Then around mile 2 I heard footsteps and 5 guys ran buy all with 40 on their legs.  If you’re wondering, I was really running an 8:11, 7:42, 8:07 and 7:33 miles.  Then I got passed by two women running and having a conversation.  In a race.  This was almost as bad as the time I was first bike racing and got beat by a guy racing in a button down oxford w/short sleeves.  Run: 16th.  HR on the run was 185-192.  In case you were wondering, I weigh my HR. 

Final: 11th.

Then I got super sick and haven’t stopped coughing or needing to sleep 12+ hrs a day.  So there, I was actually sick too. 

If you didn’t know, I have a 2nd place and and 11th place this year.  Spoiler, I did one more (that I haven’t written up yet) and got 2nd.  So that’s 2nds and one 11th. 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Can You Get A Pen and Paper?

So I’m riding my bike home from work as I do every day.  I have my phone in my back pocket and listen to my playlists while riding but on occasion someone calls me – usually no more than a few people who know that I might be going 35mph downhill or approaching death climbing a hill while talking to them.


I get this call yesterday while on my bike. 

Me: hello

Voice: Hi this is Rob Cole, I need a ride @ 5:30 today.

Me: what? 

Voice: you know how you said you could drive me on occasion?  well I need a ride at 5:30.

Me: I think you have the wrong number.

Voice: I can’t really hear you, are you on your mobile?

Me: I don’t know who you are, you have the wrong number (I haven’t actually figured out the hang up button on my headphones)

Voice: It’s really choppy, can you hear me?

Me: I’m riding my bike.  Up a hill.

Voice: gosh, I can’t really hear you. 

Me: that’s because I’m riding a bike.  I’m ON A BIKE.  (I figure if I’m rude he’ll hang up and my music will magically turn back on).

Voice: Can you see your phone?

Me: No, I’m on my bike.  I can’t see my phone. 

Voice: ok, can you get a pen and paper and write down my number?  I need a ride at 5:30.

Me: Sure, hold on….. ok

Voice: here’s my number

Me: ok

Voice: I’ll call you right back. 

Which he does.  And leaves a whole message about me giving him a ride.  At 5:30. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

And There Was This Explosion

So I was in Paris for a few days for work.  You’re jealous but then think about this:

Get up at 5am PST, work, ride you bike as hard as you can for 90 mins and then clean up, hop in town car to the airport.  Then get on plane where everyone decides to put dorm refrigerator-sized ‘carry on’ luggage into the overhead bins.  Lots of people tried one bin, then the next and so on.  Never quite realizing they’re all the same size.  Fly for 10.5 hours with a departure time of 1pm.  So now it’s somewhere around 11:30 PST but surprise it’s 8am in Paris.  So then we have a day to work or walk to every single touristy place in Paris which we do.  And then we eat dinner at about 7pm and go to our rooms at 10pm which means I’ve been up for a day and a half.  Then I woke up at 2:30am because why not.  So see, it’s not glamorous nor fun but I took pictures.

P4100283 Stitch (2)

And then we worked for 2 days and ran out to catch more sites which was basically seeing the Eiffel Tower a lot.  And then we were done on Friday and after dinner I went back to my room and as I turned on the lights there was this explosion. 

Sort of.

When you blow a light bulb it just sort of pops but when you blow all of them in the room along with some ancient fuses, it makes a bit more noise and the flash is big and not pooping your pants also adds to the excitement. 

So I was in my room and it was very dark and my friend Chris was using his cell phone to help me find my shoes for walking around and up the Eiffel Tower (again).  But it was dark and I seemed to have misplaced my room key (which was black).  So we left the room and in the lobby went to tell a 22 year old night manager in French what happened.  But because I was tired, I did it in English.  It went like this:

Me: So there was sort of an explosion in my room.

Night Manager: wuz zare fi-her? 

Me: no, no fire.

NM: duz zee teevee work?

Me: I don’t know it was dark.  Nothing works. 

NM: I av to tell you zee truf, I am noht an eelektrishun.  I cannot fix it. But the good news is zhat vee can fix it tomorroh.  ok?

Me: ok (except I’m leaving at 7am) I also can’t find my room key.

NM: (looking at both Chris and I) are you two sharing zee room

Me: no.

NM: it is not a problem, I vil make you a new wone.  ok?

Me: ok… (then I dig in my wallet and see I DID have my key), oh wait, I found my key

NM: ohhhh, zaht is ok, you can use zee secont wun to give to your girlfriend.

Me: parfait.  Merci. Bon soir (and then I went up the eiffel tower). 

So there you go.  If you ever find yourself in Paris with 2 room keys the solution is to give one to your girlfriend. 

P4100342 Stitch

Then I flew home for 11.5 hours and zipped through customs and as I walked into the house the ladies all left for a baby shower which meant I was out for a 40 mile ride!  Merci.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

See I told you


So I figured that I could actually write during my kids swim lessons.  So here’s some catch-up (which is not as good at ketchup). 

I broke my leg.  I wore a cast then after 3 weeks of sitting on the couch being ‘American’ (watching TV, playing video games, drinking beer and hitting my kids) I got back ON the bike.  I could ride ‘easy’ which is like 170 watts or just enough to burn off 11 corn flakes per hour.  I was able to do that for 2 weeks which helped keep my leg from shrinking any further. 

imageTHEN I went to Disneyland where I thought it would be awesome to go with a cast on my leg.  For the first day I rented a rascal scooter which comes with a load of judgment and guilt.  Sada thought it was the greatest ride at the park – by the end of the night it was annoying and I gave Sada the keys and let her drive it by herself in a crowd (it seemed like a good idea).  The sort of good part was that I could go to the front of the line with rest of the ‘handicapped’ people.  It turns out, the bar to be handicapped at Disneyland is a low one.  I was behind about 10 gang bangers who were holding some grandma’s handicap pass but not one of them had an issue getting around and there wasn’t a sign of nana anywhere.  Yes I was totally judging the whole time while waiting for the Dumbo ride. 

So I figured I wasn’t THAT bad and just took my cast off and limped.  Limping at Disneyland is about as much fun as well, limping anywhere where you have to walk 42km while you hand over $10 for a banana and water.  I do think we had a great time and then I got sick, like really sick. 

Then we flew home and I got antibiotics and had to take 2 weeks off of riding.  I did get my cast off (officially) but the doc said my leg is still broken which I discovered WAS true when I rode my bike to work and felt every single stupid bump and nook and cranny and rock and grass blade I rode over in the spot in my leg that is broken. 

I think Whitney Houston died at some point too and someone took a picture of her dead. 

Then it was Greta’s birthday and because we just spent about $12,938 at Disneyland in 5 days I said happy birthday and didn’t get her anything.  I think she was ok with that since it was sunny and 80 there and she was able to wear all 23 of her bathing suits. 

Here is the trusted Sada with the keys to a sweet red rascal scooter – Just watch the blue light.

Then I got better and started riding MORE and faster and that’s about where I am now.  I’ve had a whole 1.5 weeks of riding and start racing around April 4 or whenever the first Thursday in April is.  Then I fly to Paris for a week (work) and don’t get sympathy for it because it’s Paris but seriously, it’s awesome and French but I won’t have my bike or any of my ladies and that pretty much is what I imagine hell to be.  Plus there are pastries everywhere and French food and butter and bread and yoghurt and see…  it’s horrible. 

And it still hurts to walk.  And I haven’t started swimming because if I can’t run, I can’t race triathlons and if I can’t race triathlons, there isn’t a point wasting time in a pool when I could be riding my bike. 

or eating hot wings.


I promise.  I’m going to get back on it. 

Plus I’m riding and even though my leg is still broke, I’m tired of not riding. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

So Here’s What Happened….

WP_000394 Stitch

As you may or may not know, it has been snowing a lot here (in the Seattle area mountains).  Most recently it snowed about 9-10” this past weekend (and 22” yesterday), which is just about right for a fun day of skiing.  Good for beaning the kids (my kids, not random ones) with snowballs as they ski past me or for showering as I stop quickly with a massive wave of snow them should they stop somewhere ahead of me. 

We had skied a few runs in the AM and had just got back onto the slopes after a pizza and cocoa break.

One of my rules of skiing for the girls is to stay on the trail because if you fall down I won’t be able to easily back-track and find them (the rule of thumb in our home is to depart and return with the same number of people and limbs each trip).  The kids are now skiing really well and I’m almost able to ski at my pace with only a few wait-up stops!  Because they’re skiing so well and generally observe the rules about knowing were they are relative to one another on the trail and where I am – I took off on a bit of a side trail up into the woods to enjoy some powdery turns. 

As I plowed through the new snow, I saw a tree that had fallen right in front of me, but the snow was high enough that I should have easily gone over it.  So I did.  Then suddenly my left ski sank in the soft snow while my right ski went over the tree.  About a milli-second later I was stopped dead with my right ski OVER the tree and my left foot and ski under the tree.  Given my speed, my entire body had flung over the tree, pivoting on my left leg  leaving me forward and to the left.  I stopped with my entire body ahead of the tree while my left foot was stuck under the tree.  I heard a pop in my knee and knew it was not a good sound.  I actually heard it AFTER I was stopped.

I struggled but in about 2 mins was able to dig myself out and ski out of my mess.  I had no strength in my left leg but due to the miracle of being somewhat awesome, I was able to ski backwards out of the woods and then down to trail the kids who were waiting for me.  I said our ski was over and that we had to go to the hospital to get my knee checked out.  Anything I say is generally fine with them as long as I have candy in my pocket.

I was mostly worried I had torn my ACL or some surgery-requiring horrible response to my inability to follow my own rules.  I was able to ski down and walk with the girls about 150 yards to the truck – which seemed to me that I probably hadn’t torn anything.  We got to the local clinic where they first said I had no tears and likely only had a sprain.  There was very little swelling but the side of my calf REALLY hurt.  They asked if I thought x-rays might be a good idea and given the fact I’ve broken nearly 30 bones in my life, I thought it would be a solid idea.  I got a sticker for being brave too.


If you zoom, you can see a nice crack in the fibula (the smaller bone) on the right.  It totally hurts.  It also turns out 2 kids get totally bored waiting for doctors and x-rays and stuff like that.  I must have said, ‘don’t touch’ about 3,000 times. 


They gave me a soft casty thing which you can enjoy next to Piper’s face (below). 

The girls worried about who they would ski with now and would my toes get cold.  I was worried about how long it would be until I could ride and run and swim. 


Plus broken bones hurt. 

They referred me to a surgeon who slapped a walking cast on me 24 hours later and said that I could ride in 3-4 weeks so long as I didn’t stand up on the pedals but that I needed to keep the ankle steady so the bone could heal.  So now I get to watch running on TV and come up with other things to do with the girls.  I’m trying to teach the girls how to tell jokes, which is surprisingly challenging when your kids laugh at just about everything if you precede it with the word ‘poop’ or ‘fart’ (i.e. poop sandwich, poop face, poopy pants or fart shoes).  We may also pursue cleaning our room, listening to mom and enjoying their indentured servitude.


I also wrote this poopy-post while on pain meds.